I feel

so lonely.


Just me and God.

Weekend.

I had the best weekend i have had in a while.
Me, cory, billy, kendall, and cam all went to fairhope, they are hilarious.

Anyways, I just love being down there, i don't know what it is. I love talking to jd. And i love everyone down there, and i miss them so much. I loved seeing tim and ashley simmons. I love them, they are amazing people. Ashley seemed so interested in everything that i said, and what i was doing with my life, it made me really happy. I miss her.I played with kennedy and cole a lot... i miss them too. Kennedy is so cute, we played hand games and she showed me cheers, she is so sweet.
We went to my old youth pastor, tim's live recording. I can't even describe how amazing it is. I love listening and watching tim sing.He's so passionate and deep, i love it. I could sit in that environment forever, just listening to worship.



Saturday, i got to meet Jons family. I loved them so much. All of them were so sweet to me. They made me feel like part of the family. They invited me back for thanksgiving. I didn't have anything to do, because i couldn't go see any of my family, but now i'm just going with jon, which i am really excited about. I love my pastor jon.

At church tonight, kristy prayed with me and she really touched my heart, it was one of the best feeling i have ever had while someone was praying over me. I love her so much. I miss her.

I want to be intimate with God again.

17th bloggg

I have probably broken many promises, and i know people have promised me things and have broken them. It hurts a lot. Well at least for me. Promises have always meant so much to me, for some reason?

God has never broken a promise. He keeps all of his promises. That means so much to me.

I recently made a promise to God that i will NOT break.

From now until september i'm going to be preparing my heart for whatever is to come next, whatever that takes, because my life as well as myself will change. I have never wanted something more, and i have never known that what i'm doing is for sure what God wants me to do and is all in his plan. What happens after all this, i have no idea and for once that does NOT scare me. It's actually a sort of relief. Because i know i will figure out who i am, the real me, and what God wants from me and wants me to do, my purpose. I'm so excited, but nervous at the same time.

I have my eyes and my heart completely set on God and nothing will get in my way, satan will throw things my way to try to screw me up, i'm sure of that. But i won't let it, i won't let it.
All i do is pray.

I am all yours, PLEASE do what you will.
I am ALL yours...

fghfgfguidg

Ah!

All these thoughts running through my head and i want them to stop.I can't talk to anyone about any of it. NO ONE. Everyone would look at me differently and judge me and stuff.

There's one person i can tell anything and everything to without being scared they will judge me and i cant talk to that person anymore. I need to stop going to that person for everything. I go to God with everything but when i need to talk to someone this person is who i go to. Oh well.

God just help me please. Make everything work thats going on with me, please. I need this to stop. I love you. Please help me.



I feel so lonely and i hate this feeling more then anything. I miss so many people.

The only real friend i feel like i have is jon burks, my best friend.

I wish

I had more time.

I wish i had more time to spend with my friends. Old friends, new friends.
I hungout with cory today just for a little bit and i loved it. We were just talking
about old times when we used to hangout and laughed and stuff. I loved it.
I miss so much hanging out with people. More then i miss anything. If i could make
it without a job or school i would just hangout with all the friends that i could all day.
I love talking to people about there lives. Like, i love to really get into deep conversations
with people, like heartfelt conversations.
I miss people so much.



So i got some pink converse today, and i love them. Ha, i have wanted them for a while now, but didn't have the money. But i finally got them!!!


I miss my pastor jon.

God.

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."



I say that to myself everyday and when things get hard or when i start to doubt things, this is what gets me through.


I love my father.

Jon Burks

Is my best friend.

I feel honored to be able to be such good friends with him because hes that good of a guy to be around. To me, he is almost a perfect image of a "man of God." Even though he has his flaws, we all have them. He is so much fun to be around and he is so crazy and truely does not care about what people think of him. Even when he does stupid stuff sometimes... haha. I love how i can be so crazy around him and just act stupid and goofy. Today was the first time in a long time that we hungout all day. We were dancing so funny in the car to the soulja boy cd and just being retarded like we always are. When i am around him, i do not care what i look like when i am doing something stupid like dancing crazy... i will do the most embarrasing things in front of him and i dont care because i know that he isn't going to make me feel stupid and i can actually be myself around him. He is an amazing guy to go to for advice because he will always give me the advice that i need to hear. He gives me the kind of advice that most of my friends can't give me.

He has helped me realize that i am not going to settle for someone that i can't be myself around and he didn't even realize it. So thank you.

My last relationship i was not myself at all. I feel like i had to live up to everything that he wanted me to be or wanted in a girl. I would try to be all these things that he liked, but that wasn't me. I was never crazy or weird around him, because i was too scared that he wouldn't like me or would tell me i was being "immature" when really i was just trying to have fun. I felt like he was embarrassed to bring me around his friends, and it really brought me down a lot.
But from that experience it has made me not want to settle for anything less then someone who truely does accept me for me and all the flaws that come with me.



I love life.