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Ah!

All these thoughts running through my head and i want them to stop.I can't talk to anyone about any of it. NO ONE. Everyone would look at me differently and judge me and stuff.

There's one person i can tell anything and everything to without being scared they will judge me and i cant talk to that person anymore. I need to stop going to that person for everything. I go to God with everything but when i need to talk to someone this person is who i go to. Oh well.

God just help me please. Make everything work thats going on with me, please. I need this to stop. I love you. Please help me.



I feel so lonely and i hate this feeling more then anything. I miss so many people.

The only real friend i feel like i have is jon burks, my best friend.

I wish

I had more time.

I wish i had more time to spend with my friends. Old friends, new friends.
I hungout with cory today just for a little bit and i loved it. We were just talking
about old times when we used to hangout and laughed and stuff. I loved it.
I miss so much hanging out with people. More then i miss anything. If i could make
it without a job or school i would just hangout with all the friends that i could all day.
I love talking to people about there lives. Like, i love to really get into deep conversations
with people, like heartfelt conversations.
I miss people so much.



So i got some pink converse today, and i love them. Ha, i have wanted them for a while now, but didn't have the money. But i finally got them!!!


I miss my pastor jon.

God.

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."



I say that to myself everyday and when things get hard or when i start to doubt things, this is what gets me through.


I love my father.

Jon Burks

Is my best friend.

I feel honored to be able to be such good friends with him because hes that good of a guy to be around. To me, he is almost a perfect image of a "man of God." Even though he has his flaws, we all have them. He is so much fun to be around and he is so crazy and truely does not care about what people think of him. Even when he does stupid stuff sometimes... haha. I love how i can be so crazy around him and just act stupid and goofy. Today was the first time in a long time that we hungout all day. We were dancing so funny in the car to the soulja boy cd and just being retarded like we always are. When i am around him, i do not care what i look like when i am doing something stupid like dancing crazy... i will do the most embarrasing things in front of him and i dont care because i know that he isn't going to make me feel stupid and i can actually be myself around him. He is an amazing guy to go to for advice because he will always give me the advice that i need to hear. He gives me the kind of advice that most of my friends can't give me.

He has helped me realize that i am not going to settle for someone that i can't be myself around and he didn't even realize it. So thank you.

My last relationship i was not myself at all. I feel like i had to live up to everything that he wanted me to be or wanted in a girl. I would try to be all these things that he liked, but that wasn't me. I was never crazy or weird around him, because i was too scared that he wouldn't like me or would tell me i was being "immature" when really i was just trying to have fun. I felt like he was embarrassed to bring me around his friends, and it really brought me down a lot.
But from that experience it has made me not want to settle for anything less then someone who truely does accept me for me and all the flaws that come with me.



I love life.

I can't explain

what has been going on with me lately.

God has been working in me, SO much. I have never experienced anything like this.
I spent this weekend with Kristy and Leah, and they are amazing. I love listening to
them talk about their experiences and how strong they are. I wish i could have had
influences like them in my life when i was in highschool .Ha, it would have made things so much
easier..and maybe i wouldn't have been so stupid. And i would have been more careful with my
heart. But i guess my past has made me who i am. Anyways, God was speaking to me through
them and they didn't even know it. They make me want to be better and try harder.



I have never really had God really communicate with me, i mean i kind of have but not
like lately. Words can't describe. God is so great. And i have realized that i need to give my whole
heart to God. Well i have always known that i just didn't really know how, i guess. He doesn't have all of it... i thought he did. But he doesn't. And i'm so ready. God has, for the longest time, just been trying to talk to me, but i have been shutting him out, without even realizing it. God has just been speaking to me and saying that he just wants to talk to me, he wants to be my everything,he wants to fill every need and desire that i have right now. It's just amazing.


"Come walk with me
Speak to my heart
What's deep in me,
Only you know
Come walk with me."

That song is really speaking to me just recently. It's so powerful.


I love what is happening.

I officially

hate 119!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I don't think i have ever been so impatient, while driving, in my life.


I hate my paitence level.

:)

this will be a good weekend.